"Someone Who Would Wear a Mask" - Literary North (2/17/21)

Someone Who Would Wear a Mask*

On a video conference call last Tuesday, a business acquaintance (we had just met) told me with off-hand peculiarity I looked like someone who would wear a mask. Now, I am someone who would wear a mask, I would admit to anyone. In my mind, I have very certain thoughts of myself as someone who would wear a mask. And as someone who has very certain thoughts of themselves as someone who would wear a mask, it was jarring to hear that not only do I have thoughts of myself as someone who would wear a mask, but that passing acquaintances, too, think I look like someone who would wear a mask. 

Their utterance washed into my ears and drowned my memory of the rest of the meeting, questions quelling inside of me. Who did they imagine me to be, and what archetypes did I infer? What could they view from the conferencing app, and was my bookcase full of clues? What other thoughts did my face provoke, and was my background fully blurred? Where were they born, where had they lived, and had their mother nurtured them? When did they attend university, and was their campus a joy during every season? Or, was their advisor harsh, brooding, or brutal, and had they minored in criminal psychology? How did they synthesize the factors-at-hand, and what had clinched their supposition? Wnd, why in the course of a video conference call did a business acquaintance (I had just met) tell me with measured determination I looked like someone who would wear a mask? 

The words exchanged on the call between us were perfunctory and cordial. The business proposed by email was prospective and investigatory. Our mutual attendance—this acquaintance and me from each of our sides, on the video call—was purely circumstantial. Joan from Legal, Brielle from Sales, Rupert from Operations: any one of them could have taken my place, on the video conference call last Tuesday, when a business acquaintance (we had just met) told me with seeming jocularity I looked like someone who would wear a mask.

I wanted to tell them (but I didn’t have time) that over these long 9 months now, I have transformed from looking like someone who would wear a mask into someone who wants to, who needs to, who plans to, and does indeed always wear a mask. 

But, I held back when given the chance, and I pondered my reasons for hesitation...and given the underlying circumstances, I will not confirm on a future video call, if the conversation continues apace, to a business acquaintance (whose motives I question) that I am someone who wears a mask, even though frankly, they should too.

*An ode on Lydia Davis’ “A Position at the University”